This excerpt is taken from a story I am currently working on. It displays a fictional meet scene between two people containing conversational dialogue. Contents protected by Copyright.
Setting: Meeting Hall for Support Groups
The meeting has just ended:
Page | 22
Richard fills his cup with water, turning the nozzle off just in time to completely fill the cup. He always puts too much. It’s always been a habit of his, especially when mixing a drink. Overfill the glass to the rim, then immediately take the first gulp without turning around. It’s like sleight of hand. It was a subtle misdirection for those that might be watching. To anyone looking, or even caring enough to pay attention, he turns around with a newly fixed beverage. It’s filled to the customary height and then set down on a coaster. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. But in Richard’s mind, deep down, he’s deceived them all, because he knows about that hidden gulp. And he knows why he conceals it. For much the same reason he will down an entire glass of wine when people leave the room and then refill it before they come back. Another parlor trick to cunningly deceive those around him into not suspecting there just might be a problem. It’s such a paltry deception, but Richard just wants to be calm. And for Rich, intoxication is tranquility.
Just before he can sneak his habitual sip, albeit from a cardboard cup of water, he hears a shuffle from behind. He turns to see the girl that spoke earlier. She’s not facing him. It’s the new girl, Jenn. He recalls her testimony, and mostly her attitude. He’s staring. She makes a movement as if she is going to suddenly turn her head and catch him gawking, but she doesn’t turn around. Even so, it was enough movement to cause Rich to panic for a split second. He jerked ever so slightly in preparation to be looking at something completely different in the event that she had actually turned to face him. The slight tremor of movement caused the water in his overfilled cup to splash a few drops into his grip.
Richard reaches for a napkin, consciously trying again not to spill his overfilled cup of water. He’s dangerously close to brushing the arm of the “grad student,” but she’s still looking the other way. This time he isn’t so lucky. She turns to face him quickly, possibly sensing the presence of his arm by the miniscule shift in air current on her skin. Her arm accidentally makes contact with his right arm reaching for the napkin, and she instinctually raises her own right hand in an attempt to signal apology. The attempt fails; resulting in her right hand striking an overfilled cup of water in Richard’s left. Fortunately most of the water drops with the cup as it slides out of Richard’s surprised, loosened grip. Unfortunately, the girl’s hand had moved so swiftly that when it came into contact with the cup, a tiny fraction of its contents had forcefully splashed onto Richard’s face.
“Oh … My… God…, I am so sorry,” she said.
Recognizing her embarrassment, Richard smiled as he grabbed a wad of napkins from the table and began to wipe his face. “It actually felt refreshing,” he joked, still dabbing water, “well anyway, I’m Richard. You’re…?”
“Jenn… Elayna.”
“Wait what? Richard asked, wondering why she suddenly changed names.
“Sorry, my first name is Jennifer, but I go by Jenn, and my last name is Elayna. I wasn’t trying to like, lie, or give you a fake name or anything like that,” She clarified.
“Ah, Ok, gotcha, well… isn’t this awkward,” he said with a hint of playfulness. He mustered his most charming smile as he looked at her sincerely.
“Well, I guess,” said Jenn laughing, “I am really sorry.”
“Don’t be. I shouldn’t have been all up in your space to begin with” Rich said as he lifted up his hands and shrugged.
Jenn just smiled at him and stared more intently into his eyes as if finally signaling that she’s comfortable in his presence. “Ok Richard,” she said still smiling and locking eyes “So you heard all about why I’m here, right?”
“Yeah, popping pills to study, parents found out and all that,” Richard replied.
“So you were listening? I figured you were just spaced out not paying attention… or you were distracted checking out the new pretty lady.” Jenn said still smiling, still locking eyes.
“I listen to everyone,” Richard answered.
“But you don’t talk,” said Jenn, “you don’t talk about you?”
“I… I-” stammered Rich.
“It’s ok,” Jenn said “I get it… So, like, you were dealing or got pulled over drunk?”
“No no, nothing like that. I just don’t really talk… like that. It’s… well I guess I just feel awkward speaking like that to these guys. I don’t really feel comfortable with a bunch of people staring at me while I’m telling my ‘sad sack’ story,” he said as he raised and lowered air quotes with his hands.
“Hmm, well, ok. I… Ok, well I wanna know!” Jenn said drawing closer. She was beginning to relax toward Richard and exude an air of friendly familiarity with him. She put her hand around his elbow and casually drew him away from the table to the corner of the room. Taking her hand off his arm and standing between Richard and anyone that might eavesdrop, she gave him a sincere glance and lowered her voice.
“What did you do?” Jenn whispered.
“Huh?” Richard replied with uncertainty.
Jenn recomposed herself. “I mean, like… who made you have to come here… a judge… your parents?”
“I…” He clenched his teeth in reservation, but then he let out a somewhat soothing sigh of resignation and continued. “ That… That’s not why I’m here.”
“What do you mean?” asked Jenn, speaking softly but not whispering any longer.
“I guess I just … I just get bored”
“You get bored?” she replied unimpressed. Then her demeanor softened. She put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s ok, I’m sorry,” she said lowering her hand, still locking eyes, “I shouldn’t have cut you off like that. I know stuff like this can be hard.”
Rich exhaled another sigh, but he began to notice something about her. She was different than the person that was sitting in the circle telling her story. When Richard was listening to her go on about her mom and her problems, he had subconsciously dismissed her as some snooty schoolgirl, but now, now he realized that she was more than that. That his first impression was of a stranger, and that now that they were talking, she was a real person. A complex and nuanced individual, not just some adolescent minded stranger complaining in a room she didn’t want to be in.
She actually cares. He thought as he resumed his story. “I didn’t used to drink very much. I mean, I drank but I didn’t drink a lot. I did when I got hurt, but that would go away in a few days. I mean like past relationships not working out and all that.”
Jenn nodded her head in understanding.
“I don’t like being around a bunch of people. When I was in the military I was constantly surrounded by people. Everywhere I was there were people. In the showers there were six other stalls, full of people. In the racks there were rows and rows of bunks full of people. We were on ships full of people, and anywhere you wanted to go there were lines and lines of people. I didn’t realize it then, but I need peace… and quiet… or I lose focus. I can’t focus on anything. All I can do is hear and see and bump into everyone else, but I don’t even feel like I exist. I feel like a ghost in a room full of people. I’m surrounded by thousands of thoughts from these other people and I’m wondering what they are. I’m hearing hundreds of conversations that I can’t focus on and I’m wondering what they are. People pop in and out of view and I can’t focus on them with my eyes but I’m trying in my head to figure out who they all are…”
Jenn held up her hand for a pause and turned away. Richard’s heart thumped violently in his chest as he felt emotionally rejected thinking that he had scared her away. She quickly grabbed a napkin and filled a cup of water, still giving Richard her attention. She came back to him in the corner, smiling at him pleasantly, and handed him the cup. Richard showed thanks as he swallowed half of the cup’s contents.
“Continue,” Jenn said softly as she smiled warmly, yet with sorrowful eyes.
“When I got home from my first deployment I took thirty days of leave and spent every single night on the couch, for thirty days, drinking at least a six pack. It was like a recharge of loneliness. I didn’t have anyone for most of my time in. I didn’t send anyone letters. I didn’t get any letters. I mean, everyone else seemed to. Or they were married, or had kids, but I was just me. I took solace in being alone. I existed alone. In the barracks, when I was back from leave, I would hear loud music and the thumping of the bass would drive me so crazy I couldn’t sleep. So I drank. I cooled down a lot when I was done with my enlistment. But I was years behind all my friends in life. Everyone else spent those years building a family, and I came home and ended up with the crowd that still went out and partied all the time. I had a few bad relationships, which is funny, because when I was happy and ‘in love’ I didn’t need to drink, or even think about it very much. But as soon as it was over for whatever fucked up reason, I spent the next few weeks drinking every night trying to forget. Then it just becomes a habit. I’d say ‘I’ll probably stop tomorrow,’ but I wouldn’t. I’d go to the VA with a sprained ankle and they’d give me sixty vicodin. I’d tell them that my back hurt and they’d give me 30 muscle relaxers. I’d take them for the pain and then, like a week later, I have almost a full bottle of pills to put in the medicine cabinet. I’d stop taking them because the physical pain was gone.”
“Well that’s not so bad.” Jenn said reassuringly.
Richard locked eyes with her, took another sip and continued speaking. “It gets worse. I’d be at home. I’d be bored and lonely, and I’d have had too much to drink. Suddenly I’d have a headache creeping up, or my eyes would get sensitive to the light. So I’d go to grab an aspirin or something, and I’d notice all those bottles of pills. For the most part I’d just grab an ibuprofen and go on, but there were times I’d say ‘fuck it’ and take a muscle relaxer. They are just there. It’s easy to rationalize it. I mean, I’ve never liked the taste of weed. I would never think about doing cocaine, or heroin, or meth. I have some sort of code I guess. But these were bottles of pills, just like aspirin I’d rationalize. They had my name on them and my address and everything, and they were given to me, legally. That’s why it didn’t seem so bad. But I knew deep down it was. And it would happen more and more often, but I wouldn’t get help. I mean, I’d help any one of my friends. I’d do anything for anyone else. I’ve spent my entire life thinking of other people, and doing my best to do things that benefit everyone else but me. I think that’s why I get taken advantage of in so many relationships. Because I lose track of making myself happy and I’d gladly make myself miserable to keep them happy and content to be with me. And it’s like they know. They realize they’ve sucked every last drop of favors and worth out of me and they feel guilty so they take off. But anyways, the point is I didn’t try to get help. I wouldn’t do that for myself. But then one day a friend calls me up to see how I’m doing. He hears me tell him exactly the same story I’ve just told you. He cares. He calls me up a week later. He’s been so busy fighting a war, but he’s had time to do some research. He’s done all the legwork I wouldn’t do and he sends me a brochure, a brochure for this place… and a week later I’m here. I’m not here for me. I’m not here because a judge forced me to be, or my family had an intervention. I’m here because someone cared enough about me to help me. I’m here because he asked me to be here, and he’s my friend, and I knew it would make him happy if I got help…”
Jenn took in a considerable breath. “Well… Ok, Wow.”
“Sorry,” Richard replied.
“No no, don’t be,” Jenn said sincerely “I asked you, and you needed to get that out.”
“Ha, yeah, I guess you’re right, I do feel a little relieved.”
“Oh I bet,” Jenn said smiling again.
“Can I ask you a very important question though?” Richard said as he switched back to a more lighthearted demeanor, “Why’d you grab the pile of napkins?”
Jenn smirked and looked him right in the eyes, “I thought you were gonna cry.”
Both of them laughed for a couple of moments and Richard noticed Jenn eyeing the clock on the wall.
“Well I guess it’s time to get outta here,” Richard remarked.
“Yeah, it is pretty late and I still have a paper due.” Jenn replied.
“Ok, well… I guess… thanks… I’ll see you next week?” Richard inquired.
“Of course, I’m really glad we met,” Jenn said with sincerity, “Take care Richard.”
“You too Elayna… I mean Jenn” Richard said snarkily.
Once again they both laughed and Jenn turned to walk toward the door. Richard smiled from ear to ear and didn’t take his eyes off of her until she was out the door. This time she did turn around and catch him staring, but she just smiled at him and waved a slight salute as she exited the building.
Richard stopped smiling. His eyes opened wide. He must have been hallucinating he thought, because for a fraction of time he could swear that just as she waved her hand the entire room went dark. For a split second the room was encased in shadow, and he could see only her, and at the apex of her salute, a glimmer of radiant light flashed from her hand. He blinked a few times, and then filled his water cup to a reasonable level, leaving space at the top. Looking down he noticed his old cup, still on the floor, and the sopping wet carpet surrounding it. He grabbed the cup and crumpled it, then took the remaining pile of napkins and stomped them into the wet spot to absorb the spill. He threw both cups away along with the soaked napkins, satisfied with his cleanup attempt. Gathering himself, he made his way to the exit.
